


Killing Loneliness

by Falconette



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crush, F/M, Insecurities, Love Triangles, Sweet, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 03:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12621884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falconette/pseuds/Falconette
Summary: Just Kuroo developing a crush on you against his better judgment. Cute.





	Killing Loneliness

**Killing loneliness**

Endless training sessions would be much more tedious if it weren't for fans and supporters who stopped by and cheered. No team that wanted loyal spectators singing their fighting songs could afford to close their door on them, provided they didn't interfere with the training, so there was somebody watching the training from above almost all the time.

Younger players , genuine effectionados, girlfriends and wannabe girlfriends attended afternoon sessions, hoping for a chance to grab a bite later with the guys. Kuroo noticed you and marked you as the latter type, as you started showing up on Nekoma and Fukurodani joint practices. It happened to be one of those days when Bokuto was in his element and all eyes were on him and his larger-than-life charisma. Kuroo noted your open-mouthed awe at Bokuto's fantastic spikes and straights, and crossed you right off the 'available' list. Not the first time this has happened either; Kuroo evenly concluded that an ace must be the alpha male in female eyes, making them blind for all other betas, deltas or omegas.

A pity, he mused to himself, as you seemed to be just his type.

Unsurprisingly, it wasn't long before you started chatting up the guys on the court and joining them for drinks afterwards. Bokuto soon took notice of you too and seemed to shower you with his attention more than your other girl friends. You always ended up sitting next to him on a train or in a bar, he ceaselessly asked about you when you weren't there and everyone pretty much already paired you up together.

Kuroo, amused, smirked at Bokuto's attempts to impress you on the court, forgetting to watch his own back. Before he knew it, he was keeping his eye on you just as much as Bokuto did, maybe even more, laughing with you at jokes Bokuto wouldn't get, striving to block as many of Bokuto's spikes as possible just to spite him, throwing him deliberately in emotional imbalance.

He realized this when Akaashi's warning glare reminded him that he was walking a fine line between being cunning and being outright mean.

The problem was, Kuroo realized he was thinking about you practically all day long and was starting to get angry at himself. His mind was his best weapon, it was to be kept clean and sharp and these insistent thoughts only made him weaker and duller. He was getting frustrated without release, watching you, enjoying your company without ever being able to touch you or have you just for himself. He would have these long, meaningful conversations with you, exchange jokes and jabs and then go home and hug his pillow, longing to have you in his arms. Or, worse yet, he would have to watch you listening to Bokuto's boastful recounts of some game or another across a table, vainly trying to quench his thirst with beer as Bokuto’s hand edged conspicuously close to yours.

To his dismay, he was starting to hate the things he admired about his friend. He would greet a clueless Bokuto with a usual nod, but his eyes were probing, jealously comparing himself to the ace. The way he moved, gratuitously expending energy, acting instinctively without thinking and doing a better job at it than Kuroo who always planned ahead, keeping his cards off the table. Bokuto didn't need to resort to such tactics, he was bestowed with a pure heart and a monstrous talent no scheming or effort from Kuroo could compensate for. He could clearly see why you would fall for Koutaro and it was making him miserable.

He wished that he could be less calculating and more living for the moment, to be able to get so genuinely excited over the smallest things without automatically weighing their potentials. But only the strong had the privilege of sailing full sails into a storm, and caution and hesitation was left for the weak. Kuroo was out of Bokuto's league. Yours too, apparently.

When Kenma discreetly let him know that he had become impossible - moody, edgy and mean - and when he noticed how this affected the Nekoma team, Kuroo decided to use the brain he was so proud of and do the reasonable, and the hard, thing. He distanced himself, deliberately focusing solely on things happening within boundaries of the court, finding excuses to go home straight after practice and leave his pillow be. He ignored Bokuto's hails in your direction when he would score a difficult point or when he would call him to join you for drinks.

It was better this way, Kuroo was telling himself, just four more days and this joint practice project would end. After that, you will follow Fukurodani and he could forget all about you.

*  *  *

„May I ask you something“, you slid closer to Kuroo on a bench, using the scarce breather he took to get a word with him in private. He was impossible to catch for the past few days, very obviously slipping out of conversations whenever you would join in and would usually already be out of the door without a proper goodbye by the time the teams finished cleaning up the gymnasium. You could think of nothing you did to provoke such reaction. Worse yet, this was starting to happen just at the time you thought you were getting somewhere with him.

Kuroo continued pouring the contents of a water bottle down his throat that suddenly seemed too tight to gulp the fluid down, nodding casually at you. For him this was like opening a bottle of wine in front of a rehabilitated alcoholic, every nerve of his body surging in anticipated pleasure and the rational mind being the only true beacon. He held on to it desperately, repeating the mantra to himself; _“Calm down, this is just a chemical reaction, just your hormones.”_  

„Are you avoiding me?“ you asked and it took all he had for Kuroo not to spit out the mouthful of water he was about to swallow. Instead, struggling to keep his cool, he lowered the bottle and asked, deliberately slowly and in control,

 „Pardon?“                                                                                 

You sighed, feeling stupid and scrutinized by a dissecting gaze of the mysterious man in front of you. It was strangely awkward to be sitting so close to him now, trying to have this conversation. Something had definitely changed. But, as the joint practice project time was running out and since you decided to go through with this, you steeled yourself and pressed on.

„You seem to leave every time the guys decide to go and hang out after practice, if I am also coming. I heard you never skip when I am not around,“ you stated as blandly and factually as you could, meticulously keeping emotions from your voice.

Kuroo looked at you for a moment longer with that enigmatic, aloof gaze, pondering his reply. _Keep calm._ Skin deep under his collected front, his sharp brain was working in a frenzy, his heart fluttering underneath sweat drenched jersey.   _This is just a chemical reaction._ He didn't expect this turn of events, it caught him completely off guard. His natural response was to shrug and shoot back, „A coincidence.“ with a fake smile, a retort that no one could pin anything on, one of his trademarks, but something stopped him.

Kuroo realized that he desperately, painfully wished he could be more like Bokuto and plainly speak his mind without a second thought or fear of consequence. It was against his nature. He opened his mouth, closed it, and managed to reply on the second attempt but without being able to maintain an eye contact between you.

„I thought you needed more space and alone time... Koutaro and you.“ He ventured a quick glance at your face before rubbing sweat off his forehead with a towel, hiding behind it. _This is just your hormones, get a grip on yourself._

„Oh.“  You could not mask disappointment in your voice as you straightened up and unconsciously moved away from him. There was a flash of panic at that in Kuroo's eyes that prevented you to leave altogether. That, and a heavy feeling in your chest that suddenly descended upon you. So he was hooking his friend up with a girl, just being nice.

„You don't have to, umm, bother with that.“ There was no polite way to say to a guy that you had zero interest in his super-duper buddy without risking him taking it personally, so you decided not to mention Koutaro at all. „I, um, liked the conversations we had so I just thought it would be fun if you had a few drinks with, um,  all of us after practices for these last few days.“

You stuttered and tripped over your words, feeling like a complete loser, begging for crumbs, fighting to keep your voice from trembling. There was, or was supposed to be, a smile on your face hiding the bitter disappointment. You thought Kuroo liked spending time with you, when all that actually happened was your wishful thinking. A smart person like him would probably be bored out of his wits with you anyway. Even so, just like you said, it would be nice to at least create a few more memories before you part. You liked being with him, even in a crowd, if that was all you could get.

Kuroo watched you observantly, not heeding what you were saying but reading your body language. In a game, he could do it and capitalize on it in a fraction of a second, but jealousy and anger blurred his senses – rookie mistakes! – and Kuroo felt like hitting himself across the head for it. Idiot!

„We could go today.“ Kuroo's mouth formed words, quietly and hesitantly, as if his lips tasted sounds they were not used to.

„But there is no meet-up today,“ you commented in a whisper, unsure if this was one of his schemes or elaborate jokes.

„I know.“ He readily retorted, half of his face deliberately hidden behind the mop of black, damp hair. He didn't want anyone to become curious and start listening in on your conversation so he spoke hastily. Also, he was very conscious of his radiating, blushing cheeks, praying that you would oversee them as a result of a training session. „We can talk over a cup of coffee.“

You raised your eyebrows, unsure how to feel. Whenever you would hang out afterwards, you went drinking alright, but it was never coffee. You would usually go and share couple of beers over a bowl of ramen or curry rice or whatever. Coffee indicated a quiet, secluded place and that was the exact opposite of what a hungry mob of jocks was after. Kuroo's suggestion had a conspiratorial undertone to it so you leaned in closer.

„The two of us?“  You breathed in disbelief.

Kuroo nodded slightly and when you saw the uncomfortable, hesitant smile mixed with relief on his face instead of the superior smirk, only then were you sure he was speaking his true mind, no jokes, jabs or pranks.

In his chest, Kuroo felt an iceberg start to thaw as a strange new sensation of joy and excitement stirred butterflies in his stomach. He wasn't used to feeling good after opening up. A cautious part of him still refused to believe this was happening and demanded to put his guard up, the part of him Kuroo decided to stuff in a bag and throw off a cliff, at least for the moment. His brow furrowed a bit, his gaze flying across your face, trying to figure out your expression. The calculating part of him started whispering that you must have changed your mind and was looking for an exit strategy, but he ignored it.

„Why are you so surprised now?“ he asked in louder, but still hushed tone, looking at your confused expression.

„I just... I just figured you didn't want to spend time with... I thought you did not see me as smart enough or interesting enough ...“

Slowly but purposefully, Kuroo's hand clasped across yours on the bench, stopping your outpour of insecurities. Seems like he wasn't the only one who had to take a leap of faith in order to grow.

He leaned in just close enough not to draw curious looks and genuinely smiled at you. He was unburdened and open and loving every moment of it.

„If you are dumb, I am definitely dumber.“

THE END

 

 

 


End file.
